When it Goes Wrong…

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Read Munir Zamir‘s answer to Do you think that sometimes things go wrong, so we can appreciate them when they go right? on Quora

In a roundabout sort of way…yes. We are very binary creatures who ca get very afraid of the ‘grey’ areas of life. We tend to like the meta narratives of good and bad, but don’t like having to apply them to ourselves often.

So when things go wrong….we look for reasons…excuses and blame.

When things go right….we look for praise, reward and attention.

What we need to do is show more gratitude and awareness of situations and issues that affect us and others. We need resilience and respect, strength and compassion as mutual friends of each other, not exclusive entities that are laws ‘unto’ themselves.

10 Best Habits for Life?

  1. Don’t believe everything you read
  2. Go after what you want when you know why you want it
  3. Stop making lists because life is a journey, not a train timetable
  4. Love fiercely but have a sincere heart in all you do
  5. Stop complaining and start attaining
  6. Give to others and don’t think of why, how much and ROI’s
  7. Once in a while, drop off the grid and find yourself again
  8. Tell yourself it’s ok to not be ok sometimes
  9. Respect relationships that respect you
  10. Make your own mind up about what your own best habits are and value them
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Can We Forgive?

It goes without saying that forgiveness is right up there for ‘tough things to accomplish in life’. You believe you are capable of doing it, but when the moment comes it feels like the will is literally being drained from you. Why is this the case and what is the context behind both the reality and meaning of forgiveness?

Maybe some of the following can help…

  • Forgiveness almost compels you dig deep into your self and seek out emotions you’d rather ignore
  • Compulsion always sounds like an undesirable thing so forgiveness starts to sound a little like that too
  • We don’t like the idea of having to concede to anyone really do how can we concede the need to overlook hurt, pain or loss?
  • Forgiveness can feel like we’re conceding and can therefore feel like we are being weak
  • Forgiving someone means we have to find a new object of our derision and that’s not easy
  • Forgiveness offers a personal journey to self acceptance that we refuse to accept we need , so we regard forgiveness as a hindrance to our own wellbeing rather an asset
  • We would prefer to have others to blame rather than face the self and admit we are need of healing
  • Forgiveness means you learn to let go yet we like to hold on , but for what, we don’t actually remember
  • Forgiveness means you trust yourself and that can make some of us uneasy because we like to think of ourselves as ‘edgy’ or ‘unique’

There are so many more, but the point is that by forgiving we give greater meaning to living and that can be the most amazing reward. By Learning do forgive, we are learning to live.

#lifecoaching #forgiveness

Information Alone

I’m convinced in believing I can’t be alone in this feeling. The one when you ask yourself ‘is it worth commenting on this post?’

There is a reason for this hesitation, a set of emotional drivers at work and an almost sixth sense at the potential result of tapping a few keys on my keyboard or smartphone.

It kind of comes down to a few obvious but seemingly overlooked features of this age…

  • What was once considered newsworthy is now boring (factually correct coverage of an important issue)
  • What was once the acceptable face of information sharing has now become an echo chamber (word of mouth)
  • The weight of the lived experience has been replaced by the hollowness of a digital shared experience that is often not real (selfies)
  • Anything is now considered information or content as long as it lives somewhere in a cache or visible site
  • Society has eroded its moral compass back to the imperialist age yet our technology is way ahead of us (populism and fake news)
  • What was once private (backstage) is now front and centre (front stage) and no one can tell why there was this separation in the first place
  • The front stage now becomes our counsellor, family, friends, enemy and abuser all in one and we can’t tell who is who half the time
  • Technology has turned us into ‘tappers’ who press glass screens without any useful thought process as to why we feel the need
  • We want everything all the time and whenever we want it, regardless of anything else (instant gratification)
  • We think we have thoughts but they are just emotions tricking us, but once posted it’s too late (base instinct acting on our behalf)
  • We have swapped attention seeking for attention living (projectionist lifestyle)

So, with all this mind we need a poetic link between all this horrible stuff and a time old tradition.

What we have is way too much information and way too little wisdom alongside it. To put in today’s language… with all this info we need:

  • Context
  • Source verification
  • Critical thinking
  • Processing skills
  • Reflective thinking
  • A measure of rationality
  • The ability to reason
  • The ability to differ
  • The ability consider a response
  • The bravery not to respond when there is no need

You see, this wisdom thing is not about a long white robe and a staff per say. It’s about learning, understanding and applying beyond your initial gut reaction to what’s being presented to you.

We can summarise by saying it’s not just about thinking before you speak or reply. It’s about thinking if there is a need to speak at all.

#information #fakenews #intelligence

Being the Answer…

The entire galaxy of doubt that is founded within the human self is based around three core value laden questions;

1. Who am I?

2. Am I good enough?

3. What to do to find the truth in the first two?

  • The firmness of faith stems from these
  • The allure of hope flows from these
  • The pursuit of happiness grows from these
  • The love of life is born from these
  • The idea of identity comes from these
  • The feeling of belonging starts here
  • The notion of loyalty arrives from these
  • The making of self is here
  • The nurturing of acceptance is here
  • The sacrifice of realisation starts here
  • The lens of perception is crafted here
  • The ocean of perspective is filled from these

At your innermost core of self, you know who you are. You know that the true struggle is between what is known as ‘good’ or beneficial and what is known as ‘bad’ or harmful. You know these struggle is inside you because you feel both types of emotion.

The answers will only be real if you find them in you. The answers will only be meaningful is they are sought out and fought for by you. Questions vs. Answers is a game as old as time. Stop playing it. Be bigger than a question and beyond the answer.

Come to the place in the Self where you truly know that …’what you seek is seeking you’.

Working It Out?? No Way…I Can’t Do That

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‘IT’ can be anything from the meaning of life to the pay rise you think you deserve but haven’t really merited. Be real with your mindset and expectations will never be too far ahead of your abilities. No one can coach you into a successful person per say, into a ‘go-getter’ etc. Coaches who are good at their job give you the necessary ‘space’ to work out your own issues and needs. They don’t diagnose them for you. You have to do that for yourself. You have want to ‘work it out’. If not….read on.

We don’t like the idea of having to work ‘it’ out because:

  • We prefer to have things handed to us rather than have to work for them
  • Anything that challenges our need to be right automatically makes us disinterested 
  • The idea of having to expend energy on pursuits that we can’t guarantee a selfish personal outcome for is beyond our imagination let alone our grasp 
  • We would prefer to continue in ignorance rather than face the task of hard work, effort and sacrifice that may change both our mindset and worldview 
  • We want to believe that things are the are the they way are even if they are causing us no great benefit as human beings 
  • We struggle with what we don’t immediately understand
  • We will follow the crowd under the assumption that others are doing what we would have done had we be in the position of decision maker
  • If there is no apparent need for effort, we see that as evidence for us to leave matters as they are
  • If others have worked it out, then we can copy them 
  • Working it out means we have to act and we generally don’t like being put on the spot to do so 

     

 

 

The Easy Way Out…

 

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What we are looking for is an ‘easy way out’ of life’s anomalies,  because life itself is pretty demanding, can be draining and overly dramatic. Why?..because:

  • We prefer to receive rather than have to give as a long term strategy 
  • We like to identify the path of least resistance for achievement of our goals
  • Our attitude towards hard work is resistant until we see the rewards of someone’ else’s hard work and then it becomes resentful 
  • We baulk at the idea of success being related to factors that are generally out of our direct control 
  • We like to feel important, but dislike the idea of responsibility 
  • We want to be liked, but don’t like having to like others for the same reason
  • We suspect others are up to no good, because every so often we are
  • We dislike the use of too much emotion, but use it to get what we want most of the time
  • We like things to be under control as long as the element of control belongs to us
  • We want instant gratification for being nice and decent, but want careful and profound reflection to be practiced when others behave the same way with us

These are by no means intended to be immutable relates or absolute truths, but what they are, is an attempt to say what is real in relation to the behaviour noticeable in the time we live in.