In a roundabout sort of way…yes. We are very binary creatures who ca get very afraid of the ‘grey’ areas of life. We tend to like the meta narratives of good and bad, but don’t like having to apply them to ourselves often.
So when things go wrong….we look for reasons…excuses and blame.
When things go right….we look for praise, reward and attention.
What we need to do is show more gratitude and awareness of situations and issues that affect us and others. We need resilience and respect, strength and compassion as mutual friends of each other, not exclusive entities that are laws ‘unto’ themselves.
It goes without saying that forgiveness is right up there for ‘tough things to accomplish in life’. You believe you are capable of doing it, but when the moment comes it feels like the will is literally being drained from you. Why is this the case and what is the context behind both the reality and meaning of forgiveness?
Maybe some of the following can help…
Forgiveness almost compels you dig deep into your self and seek out emotions you’d rather ignore
Compulsion always sounds like an undesirable thing so forgiveness starts to sound a little like that too
We don’t like the idea of having to concede to anyone really do how can we concede the need to overlook hurt, pain or loss?
Forgiveness can feel like we’re conceding and can therefore feel like we are being weak
Forgiving someone means we have to find a new object of our derision and that’s not easy
Forgiveness offers a personal journey to self acceptance that we refuse to accept we need , so we regard forgiveness as a hindrance to our own wellbeing rather an asset
We would prefer to have others to blame rather than face the self and admit we are need of healing
Forgiveness means you learn to let go yet we like to hold on , but for what, we don’t actually remember
Forgiveness means you trust yourself and that can make some of us uneasy because we like to think of ourselves as ‘edgy’ or ‘unique’
There are so many more, but the point is that by forgiving we give greater meaning to living and that can be the most amazing reward. By Learning do forgive, we are learning to live.
The entire galaxy of doubt that is founded within the human self is based around three core value laden questions;
1. Who am I?
2. Am I good enough?
3. What to do to find the truth in the first two?
The firmness of faith stems from these
The allure of hope flows from these
The pursuit of happiness grows from these
The love of life is born from these
The idea of identity comes from these
The feeling of belonging starts here
The notion of loyalty arrives from these
The making of self is here
The nurturing of acceptance is here
The sacrifice of realisation starts here
The lens of perception is crafted here
The ocean of perspective is filled from these
At your innermost core of self, you know who you are. You know that the true struggle is between what is known as ‘good’ or beneficial and what is known as ‘bad’ or harmful. You know these struggle is inside you because you feel both types of emotion.
The answers will only be real if you find them in you. The answers will only be meaningful is they are sought out and fought for by you. Questions vs. Answers is a game as old as time. Stop playing it. Be bigger than a question and beyond the answer.
Come to the place in the Self where you truly know that …’what you seek is seeking you’.
‘IT’ can be anything from the meaning of life to the pay rise you think you deserve but haven’t really merited. Be real with your mindset and expectations will never be too far ahead of your abilities. No one can coach you into a successful person per say, into a ‘go-getter’ etc. Coaches who are good at their job give you the necessary ‘space’ to work out your own issues and needs. They don’t diagnose them for you. You have to do that for yourself. You have want to ‘work it out’. If not….read on.
We don’t like the idea of having to work ‘it’ out because:
We prefer to have things handed to us rather than have to work for them
Anything that challenges our need to be right automatically makes us disinterested
The idea of having to expend energy on pursuits that we can’t guarantee a selfish personal outcome for is beyond our imagination let alone our grasp
We would prefer to continue in ignorance rather than face the task of hard work, effort and sacrifice that may change both our mindset and worldview
We want to believe that things are the are the they way are even if they are causing us no great benefit as human beings
We struggle with what we don’t immediately understand
We will follow the crowd under the assumption that others are doing what we would have done had we be in the position of decision maker
If there is no apparent need for effort, we see that as evidence for us to leave matters as they are
If others have worked it out, then we can copy them
Working it out means we have to act and we generally don’t like being put on the spot to do so