“First I overcame the pangs of isolation, born in an undesirable body in an unforgiving time. Next I addressed the fire of anger, as a result of rejection and mockery. From here I moved to the plane of denial, where the self met the hoard in a devious stew….
It was at this time I first faced the spectre of oblivion that had seemingly been ordained for one bearing my mark.
However, from this abyss, I manoeuvred into a new slipstream, meant for wanderers and thinkers alike.
Through this current I felt a freedom and a function, a form and fellowship, except this was a fellowship of one.
Within this singular race I ran a different sprint…one made from all the shortcomings that became shortcuts.
In the end, we arrive where we started. It is through rejection that I was forced to look inwards. It is inwards where I found a calling…this calling was telling me something I could already feel. Those who feel…are those who create.”
In a roundabout sort of way…yes. We are very binary creatures who ca get very afraid of the ‘grey’ areas of life. We tend to like the meta narratives of good and bad, but don’t like having to apply them to ourselves often.
So when things go wrong….we look for reasons…excuses and blame.
When things go right….we look for praise, reward and attention.
What we need to do is show more gratitude and awareness of situations and issues that affect us and others. We need resilience and respect, strength and compassion as mutual friends of each other, not exclusive entities that are laws ‘unto’ themselves.
‘IT’ can be anything from the meaning of life to the pay rise you think you deserve but haven’t really merited. Be real with your mindset and expectations will never be too far ahead of your abilities. No one can coach you into a successful person per say, into a ‘go-getter’ etc. Coaches who are good at their job give you the necessary ‘space’ to work out your own issues and needs. They don’t diagnose them for you. You have to do that for yourself. You have want to ‘work it out’. If not….read on.
We don’t like the idea of having to work ‘it’ out because:
We prefer to have things handed to us rather than have to work for them
Anything that challenges our need to be right automatically makes us disinterested
The idea of having to expend energy on pursuits that we can’t guarantee a selfish personal outcome for is beyond our imagination let alone our grasp
We would prefer to continue in ignorance rather than face the task of hard work, effort and sacrifice that may change both our mindset and worldview
We want to believe that things are the are the they way are even if they are causing us no great benefit as human beings
We struggle with what we don’t immediately understand
We will follow the crowd under the assumption that others are doing what we would have done had we be in the position of decision maker
If there is no apparent need for effort, we see that as evidence for us to leave matters as they are
If others have worked it out, then we can copy them
Working it out means we have to act and we generally don’t like being put on the spot to do so
It’s not often that we can be honest, in its most raw form. Honest that is, with our own selves. Of course, the world outside is increasingly fraught with social regression and a form of self-imposed recidivism (we are going backwards into groupthink). The level of stress placed on our shoulders, the expectations we carry, the lack of time and patience. These are all creating a ‘loop’ of constant tension, be it for arbitrary or profound issues alike.
Now this may sound a little OTT, but the gist is as follows; it is becoming a more stressful world and the term stress has many meanings and associations with other behaviour patterns such as tension, lack of confidence and direction. For this piece, I wanted to focus our attention on a type of stress that we bring to our own door. The type we create with bad ideas and even worse decisions. Admittedly, this is a tough pill to swallow, but if you truly have a desire to improve your sense of self and develop your abilities, then this form of self-reflection is essential to that exact progress you seek. So let’s dive in and examine in short and easy to understand statements, how we bring stress to our selves.
How self-created stress emerges…from the actions of others to my own:
Created when I lack control over my environment (things that I directly influence)
Arises when others do not take responsibly for their actions and choices and neither do I
Arises when I make the wrong choice or action but deny it
Created when I promise too much to myself or someone else and can’t fulfil
Proves that I’m still ‘living’ but most likely have things worked out in a less effective fashion and this has impacted on me
Proves that I still matter to someone or something enough for it to create ‘meaningful’ dilemmas, but I might be approaching matters incorrectly
Something that happens when you want something too much (unrealistic expectations)
When you need a break or rest (but refuse to acknowledge it)
The natural environment of modern society and its processes (I just accept it and don’t fight back with passion and vision)
Interestingly, the last one is very strange, because it is as much about stress as it about or own inability to recognise how much ground we concede to norms and values without questioning them. Slowly, they build a wall of passive acceptance in us despite our own path becoming difficult. We end up taking on the stress because we don’t feel we can resist these conventions and therefore by default, we accept change is not a realistic option for us.
Stress is about manageable emotions and feelings that have been allowed to manifest themselves as more. They become like bullies, like a ignorant person you meet who you know should know better, yet they don’t. Stress arises from normal mundane matters that have become more siginificant due to our own lack of will, time or understanding in how to handle them originally. Stress nags your mind, preys on your weaker thoughts and exacerbates existing negative perceptions we may hold. Showing greater will, determination and awareness generally results in you being more able to address matters and make decisions. Nerves are different to stress and anxiety is different to it also. If we can learn to separate the nature of the emotion being felt, we have a chance to work on its root cause or least put in place steps to help limit impact.
Because you know its inevitable but you still want to believe you can prevent it happening
Because you can lack control over change sometimes and that makes you feel vulnerable, which is far from an ideal feeling
Because change involves adapting to things you may not like or want to accept
Because sometimes the result of change may affect you in ways that you perceive to be negative before it even occurs
Because we get usedto how things are and don’t like the idea of them being different
Because sometimes, even if we are suffering, we may fear the consequences of change so much that the feelings of suffering appear to be more manageable than confronting their root cause
Because the unknown makes us uncomfortable so we tend to stick with the familiar, including bad routines for example
Because it may involve sacrifice which is something that sounds dangerous
Because the meanings associated with the word ‘change’ has been fed to us through modern cultural narratives to mean something either simple (change of clothes) or something profound (change in health) and such extremes make our minds uncomfortable with the notion of accepting it as something that sits right in the middle of the human condition
Because deep down, without change, there is no life and when life seems like it’s on hold, we start seeing change as something that can wait too, but the truth is….it can’t
It takes a certain type of journey or path to build character. Often it is the less desired route one must take into order start to appreciate the more serene efforts of success and achievement. That is not to say that once you reach your destination, the effort can stop or that character is not required. What is evident from history is that the more difficult the path, the greater the character building and once the path is easier, then a different type of character is needed; an appreciative one.